LockedDown.Org

My.. I have been slacking on my stories. I apologize to my readers (all 3 of you). I will try to pick up the pace. Some FUNNY stuff happened today. I mean, almost wet myself funny.

The Back Story:

We have to do a certain number of random cell search per shift. We are looking for contraband, trash, food trays, weapons, etc. They are totally random (They really are.. usually look at the log book and see who hasn’t been hit in a while to spread it out).

We are on of the General Population units were we have been having issues with cell phones. It is AMAZING how many cell phones make it into prisons. I have personally found two and before this day is over that number will hit 3. That last 2 phones we have found were almost flushed in the toilet. The process for the shakedowns is to strip the inmates to their boxers and perform a strip search and then to place them in the sally port or shower area while you search the cells. The problem here is you come to the door and tell them to cuff up and they have 345 days to move and hide and try to flush stuff. You can still write them up but without hard evidence it is hard to get a charge to stick. The previous 2 phones found were flushed as we watched. They, however, got stuck and didn’t go down so we were able to get them from the toilet and file charges.

Now we do things a bit different. Long story short we get in before they can react. We get into a cell after locking the inmates in the shower and begin our search. We find trash, pornography, and a few food trays. Nothing we haven’t seen before. Something catches the eye of a fellow officer near the window. It is a very long string/rope with a laundry bag tied to it. The slang word for these in a prison is a Cadillac. They are used to fetch kites, or notes to you and me, from on the run. The Inmate Pony Express if you will. Now the windows have 5 panes of glass on them that tilt to open to allow for air flow. The outer window has a mesh type metal weave to keep them from throwing stuff out. However, this cell had a hole in the mesh about 4 inches by 6 inches. Just to be funny.. we decided to go fishing.

I took the laundry bag and placed it through the hole and lowered it down till the string was fully unwound. My fellow officers and I joked that all we needed was a few sandwiches and some beer and it would be like we are on the lake. Just as I said it.. my eyes lit up. I GOT A BITE. I felt a tug on the string. I reeled in my catch and guess what I found.

Another damn cell phone. No #$*(! This is a TRUE story and it gets better. We couldn’t believe it. I lowered the bag back down after removing the phone. About 30 seconds later, ANOTHER bite! I reeling in the rope and I know have a charger for my new cell phone.

The fish were REALLY biting today so I throw my line back out there and wait. It takes a little longer this time but I feel another tug. I reel it in and I get a nice can of smokeless tobacco! Just what every fisherman needs to complete his fishing experience. I am a REAL fisherman now.

We figured out how long the rope was and headed down stairs to look the “fish” in the eyes and tell them about their new write-ups. Was a pretty funny day. Good Stuff.

Man o’ man.. some people have talents. Talents that, in my opinion, they should never know they had.

It was a humid overcast Monday and we were running out yard. The unit we were running is a max general pop run so we have to remove them one cell at a time and lock them into the cages on the yard individually. Needless to say, It takes a long time. We are almost finished putting them out when the sky opens and it starts to pour, Hard! The last 5 cells decide they aren’t going out. We check with the tower officers to see if there is lightning. There is none so we continue on down to bring in the other yard.

As we head downstairs a call on the radio comes that there is a fight on the yard down the hill in another one of the General Pop yards. We leave a control room officer and a few cadets (it was around 9:00 count so someone needed to stay and count) behind and head down to respond.

The tower officer called in the fight and when enough of us arrived (12-13) we entered the yard. We separated the two fighting and restrained them. After a bit of talking, the inmates were escorted to medical to check for injuries.

Here is where the talent comes in. One of these inmates as “keistering.” That is what we call it when they have contraband stuff in their backside. The X-ray showed this guy had a 6″-8″ shank in his rear end! Answer me this.. how the hell do you roll around and fight with a pointy 8″ piece of steel up your butt?

Man, that’s talent!